Educate the children...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Conspiracy of Silence - Child Sexual Abuse.. The Bitter chocolate



Disclaimer:
This thought contains obscene words and incidents - which anyways are available all over our highly cultured society. Here, I have shamelessly used the resources found in the book "Bitter Chocalate" by Pinki Virani and the resources from American Psychological Association - after all I am much better than the people who use other's works happily without specifying the source.

Child Sexual Abuse? Conspiracy of Silence? What about the topic? Not good? Burning topic? Burning where? Do we know what's that all about? Do we care? Do we know what kind of society we live in and boast off? What are we supposed to do?

What the hell is this?
Yes. It is a Hell.. for the victims.. For the families of victims.. for you and me.. for our society.. Please read on..

I am presenting my thoughts here.. I was always thinking about this.. just as some or all of you do.. It's just that I got the book "Bitter Chocolate" by Pinki Virani (who herself was a CSA victim) from British Library which made me think ad look into our society in a entirely different way and triggered my long-term bitterness - which was buried somewhere inside my subsonscious mind - against the perpetrators and pushed me to set aside my articles on Congitive science and quantum mechanics - against my promise to you all - to write this thought.

I opened that book with lot of uneasiness and angry.. and completed with loads of tears(boys (and men) don't cry? who the fuck told that?) and determination to do something for this.. The buds in our homes, in our neighbourhood, in our country.. in our society..!

Let's come back to the burning thing..In the entire world there are millions of young, adolscent hearts are burning.. for generations.. Let's talk about it.. Let's face it.. Let's explore the different, dirty face of our great India's 'glorified'(pun intended) notion of family honour and morality...

Lets start with some "great" events at our glorified homes.. I have given only two, though there are so many given in the book and thousands happening without you and me noticing or noticing and not identifiyiing it as CSA...

Scene-1



A 3-year old comes up to her mother who is dressing up to go out for dinner that evening ith her husband and says,"Mommy, show me your titties"
"What"
"Show me your titties"
"Chee-chee, who taught you such dirty things?"
"S'not dirty, dadaji says it."
"Dadaji says it? To whom?"
"To me."
"And then what do you do?"

The little girl quickly pulls up her T-shirt with both her hands and dances around her mother's bedroom. "My titties,my titties,my titties, yea, yea, yea..!"

The mother calls her 5-year old son. "Does Dadaji tell your sister to do this?"
"Yes, mommy."
"What else does he do?"
"He does funny things to her panties, then he washes her panties."
"Does he do anything to you?"
"No mommy."
"Are you sure?"

The daughter chips in, for her it's a game. "He's lying mommy, he's lying. Dadaji tells him to show him his popat(parrot), then he holds it."

This is a tableux which recently unfolded for a young mother like a thunderbolt from the blue right into her happily married life. Especially grim was the maginitude of the abuse, that it had gone on for so long and neither she nor her husband had an inkling of what was done to their childen by their grandfather.

Scene-2



A 12-year old Chennai boy is initiated into sexual activity by a 20-year old married woman, his neighbour. Their 'affair' lasts for two years, even through the first few months of her pregnancy. The woman has no idea whose child it is, the boy-child's or her husband's, but there is no assumption other than the obvious in their neighbourhood. The woman gives birth to a girl and does not resume the affair. The boy tries, she puts him off, first citing her post pregnancy status and her daughter as reasons.

The boy is now sixteen, the little girl two.

The boy rapes the little girl in revenge.

Is it not a bitter chocolate to chew? Better chew it now, else you will be chewing more bitter chocolates in your life..

What is Child Sexual Abuse?
By now, you must have understood what it is. Just for more clarity, let me tell you more:

There is no universal definition of child sexual abuse. However, a central characteristic of any abuse is the dominant position of an adult that allows him or her to force or coerce a child into sexual activity. Child sexual abuse may include fondling a child's genitals, masturbation, oral-genital contact, digital penetration, and vaginal and anal intercourse. Child sexual abuse is not solely restricted to physical contact; such abuse could include noncontact abuse, such as exposure, voyeurism, and child pornography. Abuse by peers also occurs.

Who are the Victims of Child Sexual Abuse?
Children and adolescents, regardless of their race, culture, or economic status, appear to be at approximately equal risk for sexual victimization. Statistics show that girls are sexually abused more often than boys are. (However, boys' and, later, men's, tendency not to report their victimization may affect these statistics). Some men even feel societal pressure to be proud of early sexual activity (no matter how unwanted it may have been at the time). It is telling, however, to note that men who have been abused are more commonly seen in the criminal justice system than in clinical mental health settings.

Who are the Perpetrators of Child Sexual Abuse?
Studies on who commits child sexual abuse vary in their findings, but the most common finding is that the majority of sexual offenders are family members or are otherwise known to the child. Sexual abuse by strangers is not nearly as common as sexual abuse by family members. Research further shows that men perpetrate most instances of sexual abuse, but there are cases in which women are the offenders. Despite a common myth, homosexual men are not more likely to sexually abuse children than heterosexual men are.

What are the Effects of Child Sexual Abuse?
Children and adolescents who have been sexually abused can suffer a range of psychological and behavioral problems, from mild to severe, in both the short and long term. These problems typically include depression, anxiety, guilt, fear, sexual dysfunction, withdrawal, and acting out. Depending on the severity of the incident, victims of sexual abuse may also develop fear and anxiety regarding the opposite sex or sexual issues and may display inappropriate sexual behavior. However, the strongest indication that a child has been sexually abused is inappropriate sexual knowledge, sexual interest, and sexual acting out by that child.

The initial or short-term effects of abuse usually occur within 2 years of the termination of the abuse. These effects vary depending upon the circumstances of the abuse and the child's developmental stage but may include regressive behaviors (such as a return to thumb-sucking or bed-wetting), sleep disturbances, eating problems, behavior and/or performance problems at school, and nonparticipation in school and social activities.

But the negative effects of child sexual abuse can affect the victim for many years and into adulthood. Adults who were sexually abused as children commonly experience depression. Additionally, high levels of anxiety in these adults can result in self-destructive behaviors, such as alcoholism or drug abuse, anxiety attacks, situation-specific anxiety disorders, and insomnia. Many victims also encounter problems in their adult relationships and in their adult sexual functioning.

Revictimization is also a common phenomenon among people abused as children. Research has shown that child sexual abuse victims are more likely to be the victims of rape or to be involved in physically abusive relationships as adults are.

In short, the ill effects of child sexual abuse are wide ranging. There is no one set of symptoms or outcomes that victims experience. Some children even report little or no psychological distress from the abuse, but these children may be either afraid to express their true emotions or may be denying their feelings as a coping mechanism. Other children may have what is called "sleeper effects." They may experience no harm in the short run, but suffer serious problems later in life.

Sounds horrible? Did we ever imagine that these things are happening around us? Did we ever think about the 'actors' much-enjoyed porn movies as victims? Please give a thought now.. Do something about this.. Tell me once you decide.. We all together can do something..

Can Children Recover from Sexual Abuse?



In an attempt to better understand the ill effects of child abuse, psychologists and other researchers have studied what factors may lesson the impact of the abuse. More research needs to be done, but, to date, factors that seem to affect the amount of harm done to the victim include the age of the child; the duration, frequency, and intrusiveness of the abuse; the degree of force used; and the relationship of the abuser to the child.

Children's interpretation of the abuse, whether or not they disclose the experience, and how quickly they report it also affects the short- and long-term consequences. Children who are able to confide in a trusted adult and who are believed experience less trauma than children who do not disclose the abuse. Furthermore, children who disclose the abuse soon after its occurrence may be less traumatized than those children who live with the secret for years.

Some researchers have begun to look at the question of whether someone can recover from sexual abuse, and, if so, what factors help in that recovery. Children and adults who were sexually abused as children have indicated that family support, extra-familial support, high self-esteem, and spirituality were helpful in their recovery from the abuse.

It is important for victims of abuse to relinquish any guilt they may feel about the abuse. Victims also report that attending workshops and conferences on child sexual abuse, reading about child sexual abuse, and undergoing psychotherapy have helped them feel better and return to a more normal life. Research has also shown that often the passage of time is a key element in recovery.

Counseling and other support services are also important for the caregivers of abused children. One of the strongest predictors of the child's recovery from the abuse experience is a high level of maternal and family functioning. (This, of course, assumes that the abuser was not a member of the immediate family or, if so, is not still living within the family.)

Protecting Children From Sexual Abuse

The typical advice "Don't Talk to Strangers" doesn't apply in this case. Most sexual perpetrators are known to their victims.


Where To Go for Help:

Further reading and reference:

The aftermath screws up lives - sometimes a generation:



One of my closest friend was a victim of CSA. The perpetrator was his room mate when he decided to 'work and earn his living' at the age of 17 in a nearby city hotel . Besides having great clarity of thought in all worldly affairs, with amazing skills in computer graphics, he does not stay in any job, does not want to go for any job now, says he is preparing or studying something to anybody who care to ask what he is doing now.

He shuns all help from those truly care for him; all that friends can do is draw his attention to the problem and then not feel depressed when he intellectualizes the entire situation for them and simply cuts them off. Now he says he is like this because of his parents. In what way? They never guided him to do anything meaningful in his life and criticizing anything meaningful he does. He is depressed, concluded everything around him as "dirty", "filthy", and people are basically "cheaters"... In the midst of all this, the perpetrator continues to work in a hotel in his very town - enjoying in four-times food a day..!

Another friend of mine is a Bachelor of Science(B.Sc)-in Maths and from a well-off family but in the same condition as a victim of CSA.. And his perpetrator was his "shining paper sister-in-law"('Minukku thaal maini' -in his language). He tried appearing for his ICWA exams.. tried.. actually.. Never passed a single paper... And, he is not working anywhere now.. What is so pathetic is that nobody in his family has done anything for him in this regard except abusing him more in front of his friends and in public.

These incidents may sound like a page of a third rate porno magazine. But isn't the reality? Isn't it sucks?

My dear friends.. if you know What I am talking about...or not..Who will make the victims undertand this if not us?

Some "experts" have suggested that the victim will be 'cured' if the perpetrator is made to apologize to the victim in person.. And they have some useless case studies to support their claim.

What worth can a bastard's apology have?
Why would you yearn for an apology from a bastard?

Find them and put them in front of the law - though Indian laws say only penile penetration is termed as rape and ignores all the physical abuse and the 'objects' used in rape and the 'objectives' of a rapist go unnoticed - please accept the good news - 'experts' are "working" on it for a long time..! It will be done before we find the origin of Universe or at least before I become the President of India.

Will the self-appointed "Tamil sevaks" throwing chappals, broomsticks, and all that shit at the face of freedom of expression in Tamil Nadu or the "Swayam Sevaks" aka "Sangh Parivar" or our "great governments" or any other organization ever understand or realize or work against CSA?

My God..! Am I Mad? What am I expecting from Bastard's?
Too much to hope for - for a sensible citizen of India..right?

Our day will also come..
That day we will let the world know...

Truth always prevails...Satyameva Jayate..!

With lot of expectations,
" Satheesh."
"Life is still beautiful"

Posted by Chaos And Order - "Satheesh" :: 1:53 PM :: 10 comments

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